Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP-y Red Carpet Fashion Rules

Rule No. 1: Wear Something Super Short. Rule No. 2: Repeat

Behold! Gwyneth Paltrow continues her “She’s Got Legs” world tour at the Grammys.  Helpfully reminding us that she’s still a relevant, sexy woman, rather than just Madonna’s musty old macrobiotic-loving best friend, Gwynnie has somehow managed to increase the surface area of leg between shoe and hemline since her Iron Man premieres.

So shiny and pretty, like a disco ball, in a Versace strapless mini and matching Georgina Goodman pewter heels, it almost makes up from her eye-rollingly pretentious claim that it doesn’t “behoove” her and Coldplay frontman hubby Chris Martin to be a public couple and that walking the red carpet together is “cheesy.”  Behoove?  And she wonders why she has a reputation for being a somewhat snobby beyotch.  Well, that plus the faux British accent.

And while the sparkly tights are a wee bit more Taylor Swift appropriate, we quite love them.  But as an attempt to preserve her dignity and nether regions from an accidental up-skirt, they reek of ridiculousness, given this nifty little get-up:

In a daring bit of promotion for her boob-flashing scene in her new movie Two Lovers, Gwyneth walked the red carpet in a sheer Antonio Berardi dress that put the white bra and knickers set from her great aunt Gertrude on very public display.  What, was Madonna’s infamous cone bra in the laundry?  Clearly, the contents of Paltrow’s underwear drawer are no longer just Victoria’s Secret. How do you like them apples!  She makes the “I see London, I see France, I see Gwyneth’s underpants” couture calamity worse with two-toned Rupert Sanderson ankle booties that would have been better paired with another outfit entirely, and that unfortunately make it look like she forget to take off her gym socks.

For those of you who don’t subscribe to GOOP, Gwyneth’s newsletter offers her Oprah Winfrey crossed with Martha Stewart “I’m better than you are” tips for good living that only someone with her time and resources can manage.  The best are the ones about her wardrobe “uniform” (like pairing $1,000 Brian Atwood shoes with a Topshop dress. So daring!  So thrifty!).  We can’t wait for the issue that explains how flashing your underwear on the red carpet fits in the rules for classic dressing.

By ShoeMinx GOOP Subscriber Paige Muller

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February 14, 2009 | Filed Under Film Opening, Gwyneth Paltrow, High Heels, SHOE TYPE, Sexy heels, Women's Shoes, Zappos | Leave a Comment 

Will Dakota Fanning Be The Next Jodie Foster or Lindsay Lohan?

Up Next: Possible Role in “Twilight” Sequel. That Robert Pattinson Looks Like Trouble . . .

With tween tartlets like Hannah Montana’s Miley Cyrus and Lindsay’s little sis Ali Lohan  running around flashing all kinds of inappropriate underage boobage, it’s no wonder 15 seems to be the new 25.  Now, we’re not saying they should be sporting pig-tails and Giranimals outfits until they move out of the house but honestly, there are LAWS against  some of the stuff they wear.

But thank heavens Push star Dakota Fanning has so far avoided flashing her lady humps, hanging out at Hyde or flipping off the paparazzi.  By Hollywood’s standards, she’s probably six months OVERDUE for all that. So it’s refreshing to see her walking that fine line between “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” still looking like a nice young lady.  Did you see her interview on The Tonight Show?  She was sooo excited that she got to wear colored streaks in her hair for the part in her new flick.  How freaking CUTE is that?

At the red carpet premiere she looks adorably age-appropriate and very Neutrogena natural in a silver strapless mini dress with origami detail on the bodice, paired with two-toned silver-and-black heels.   And for an appearance on Late Show with David Letterman,” Dakota got a bit fashion forward-y in a “She’s Got Legs” navy shorts romper that’s fun without tipping over into Forever 21 reject territory.  Nothing’s in danger of falling out.  Everything’s covered up.  Her hair is shiny and lovely.  And you just know she’d rather be at home knitting and working on her next Girl Scout badge.   Don’t you just want to hug her and hope she doesn’t date until she’s like 30?

Get two great looks for the price of one with these terrific two-toned platinum and black ‘Aurilla’ GUESS peep-toes.

By ShoeMinx Drama Queen Paige Muller

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February 12, 2009 | Filed Under SHOE TYPE | Leave a Comment 

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