What, No Product to Pimp in Some Crazy Getup? We Almost Didn’t Recognize You!

Believe it or not, this is the best glamour girl Katie “Famewhore” Price has looked in forever.  There’s no migraine-inducing pink, visible boob or threat of an accidentally-on-purpose flash of her business.  Based on those sub-par standards, this is a wee sartorial success.  Like if Lindsay Lohan wore pants instead of leggings for even a second.  WE GET IT LINDS.  You are a walking billboard for your line of ridiculously overpriced leg coverings.  Just because you put them on one leg at a time doesn’t qualify them as pants, you know.  Anyhoo.

On the other hand, Katie’s leopard leggings are eerily reminiscent of Aunt Lill down in Boca smoking  unfiltered cigarettes, drinking a little afternoon pick me up of gin and juice.  What?  Like your family is so perfect.  And paired with boots that put the “ug” in fugly?  While we give a point to Katie for putting the girls away, she loses approximately 100,000 points for the hideous footwear.  A cute ankle boot or a tall riding-style boot (no, not the pink ones from your equestrian line, Jordan), like these by Franco Sarto, would have been a HUGE improvement.

Does anyone know when Katie’s visa expires and she’s recalled back to England?  Between Paris Hilton, Bai Ling, Phoebe Price and the entire Kardashian clan, we’ve got more than our fair share of premiere seat fillers on this side of the pond already, thank you very much.

By ShoeMinx All-star Paige Muller

Pint-Size Designer’s Leave An Even Bigger Fashion Footprint

Tiny twosome Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have teased us for months with news of their first-ever shoe collection, a collaboration with Steve Madden.  “Design aesthetic” this.  “Style philosophy” that.  Yeah, yeah show us something, already!

Mary-Kate gave us a taste of their designs when she sported a promising prototype (try saying that three times fast) at Fashion Week.  It was cute with a hint of the unexpected, just what you’d expect from the blonde titan who regularly outfits herself like a slightly mad Himalayan Sherpa just to grab a venti latte at Starbucks.

So, behold.  Their Elizabeth and James shoe collection hit stores recently and we are . . . under-whelmed.  Objectively it’s fine.  It’s a mix of trendy and traditional silhouettes at a relatively reasonable price ($195 to $500).  Well, reasonable compared to three-digit couture, anyway.

We had high hopes for a “oooh, pretty!” inhale.  But instead of a Alexander McQueen-esque edge meets Betsey Johnson WTF-ness, the line is a bit “hmmm, where have I seen that style before?”

Take a gander:

Mary-Kate’s been spotted rocking these suede flat gladiators so they’re definitely downtown-darling approved but they’re also the newest residents of Meh-ville, in our humble opinion.

And these menswear-inspired moccasins.  MOCCASINS.  The word alone offends us, never mind what they look like.

The look are missing something: like, a slew of buckles and  zippers and cutout details.   And . . . feathers.  Yeah, that would have been AWESOME.  Or at least visually interesting.  It’s as if deciding which over-sized layer to mix and match with which bedraggled, too-long pair of pants zapped Mary-Kate and Ash of all their creative energy.

That said, some looks did catch our eye:

What size queen couldn’t use four extra inches of fabulous? We j’adore the ‘Haley’ slingback strap and the sexy arch of naked foot these reveal.

And if you’re drooling over the season’s fetish footwear look, but aren’t ready to fork over big bucks for shoes like Louboutin’s ‘Differa,  ‘Luella’ is a brilliant alternative.

Word is, the Olsens will stick with Steve Madden for another shoe collection next season.

Are thigh-high boots on the way??

Sleek, sexy and sky-high.  Make a statement without saying a word in these BCBG slingbacks.

By ShoeMinx “Uncle Jessie” Fan Paige Muller

We Fear Her Boyfriend Brian Austin Green Is Home Alone Making “Music”

With the Transformers sequel right the corner, it’s been all Megan Fox, all the time.  She’s outed herself as a bisexual, but really, who in Hollywood isn’t these days?  Being bi is the new black.  And she’s trash talked Angelina Jolie.  We’re sure Angie stays up late crying on Brad’s shoulder in distress.  Frankly, we’re weary of Megan already but then again we’re not men.

Megan gave the pimply adolescent boys at the MTV Movie Awards a thrill with acres of bare skin in a Dolce & Gabanna strapless brocade mini dress.  The dress is a shortened version of the one Beyonce wore to last year’s Oscar (which we hated!) but we’re adult-y enough to swallow the adjacent hate and admit it’s kind of cute on her.

And those shoes — Christian Louboutin Differa sandals — are slap your mama sexy.  Move those played out YSL’s to the back of the closet; they’re soooo last season.  Christian Louboutin’s Differa is getting around H’wood more than Doug Reinhardt! It’s smoking hot in every sense of the word, despite its impracticality (the heels are 140mm, or about five and a half inches), its price tag ($1,495 for the plain black patent ones), and its ability to make the wearer look like a regular at an S&M club.

But Megan’s Chernobyl day-glo orange skin and oddly slicked back hair are an epic fail.  Is she a victim of product overload like Robert Pattinson?  Are her plastic parts molting?  Dear lord, is she trying to tone down the sexy because she (gulp) wants to be taken seriously as an actress?  For the love of Restylane.  Honey, you’ve got about two, maybe three, years before things begin to sag and some new hottie starts snagging all the trophy parts so just smile, nod and make sure you have a good accountant ’cause you know Brian Austin Green will just spend all your cash those ridiculous hats of his.

Add a sexy edge to your look in these S&M-esque ‘Minnah’ heels from Steve Madden.  Being bad never looked so good!

By ShoeMinx Red Carpet Watcher Paige Muller

Must Have Left Her “Will Pose For Food” Sign In Her Purse

In lieu of actual talent or even a whiff of a titillating scandal, Misha Barton has been using the time during her extended hiatus from any discernible form of employment since The O.C. to mount a futile effort to pass herself off as some sort of fashion icon, like the long-lost love child of a petri dish rendezvous between Nicole Richie and the Olsen twins with an accidental DNA dose of Agyness Dyn.

There was her Woodland nymph period were she was some kind of foot soldier in the Headband Army that’s led by General Blair Waldorf and Brigadier General Aubrey O’Day, with an assist from Colonel Paris Hilton.  And of course who can forget her Annie Hall meets Ellen DeGeneres stage in baggy pants and bowler hats.  As if an outfit switcheroo will land her a Shakespearean script instead of a part as Blonde Girl #3.  Her latest look is brought to you courtesy of M.C. Hammer and his country crossover hit, “Please, Hammer, Don’t Let Your Baby Grow Up To Wear Fugly Flannel.”

However, those Louis Vuitton shoes are in a totally different category of crazy. Oh, Misha. It’s nice to see you go out and do that voodoo that you do so well.  We suspect she puts them on and prays everyday that the CW pilot for The Beautiful Life gets picked up so she can stop making up blog posts about her life. Hmmm, maybe we should get a pair of LVs and start praying for the same thing, too. Or better yet that she just fades into obscurity.

Get the look of this season’s tribal trend in these Sam Edelman “Malik” heels and walk on the wild side. Roooar!

By ShoeMinx Shoe Shaman Paige Muller

Cute Former O.C. Star Tries Avant-Garde On For Size

It wasn’t so long ago that any Rachel Bilson related news — Looks, she’s walking her dog!  — would have snagged bond font headlines, but lately her star seems to have fallen to the depths of Mischa Barton’s pathetic blog posts for attention.  So you may be surprised to learn that the former O.C. star is engaged to another former hot Hollywood property, Hayden Christensen.  You know, the guy who starred in the Star Wars prequels and ruined one of the greatest movie sagas of all time.  Thanks, bro.   Frankly, we were shocked that he put a ring on it since we would have bet money that his preference was more of the Brokeback Mountain variety.

But since he’s not exactly being flooded with scripts, we can kind of understand why Hayden would ask his sweetie to parade around looking like Chewbacca’s love child to remind people that he used to have a career.  Cheesy, but desperate times.  And a sandwich board saying “Please Hire Hayden” would have been kind of hard to walk in.  Because Rachel couldn’t possibly have looked at all the options in her closet and just randomly decided, “yes, this dress that looks like spare Muppet parts is PERFECT!,” right?  RIGHT!?  Even Tina Knowles, who wouldn’t know good taste if it came right up to her and introduced itself, would be like, “Honey, no.”

Which is a shame because from the knees down, Rachel looks quite sane.  Especially the shoes, like these Report Signature t-straps.  Lord, if this outfit is what she throws on for daily wear, her wedding dress is going to be a doozy.  Maybe  something like a straight jacket with fringe number from Gareth Pugh.  In white, of course.  Gotta keep some things traditional.

And, not to start any rumors or anything, but Rachel looks a bit . . . wide in the stomach area, no?

By ShoeMinx Fashionista Paige Muller

All Aboard the Balmain Crazy Train Of Unnecessary Extra Fabric

Pardon us in advance for the plethora of Obsessed puns that are about to follow but really, the producers were just asking for it with that pun-able title.  They could have dodged the SNL potential if the flick was a really awesome updated version of Michael Douglas and Glenn Close’s epic, never-cheat-on-your-wife-or- your-psycho-lover-will-stalk-you-and-kill-your-kid’s-bunny flick.  But since Jerry O’Connell is in it, it’s pretty pretty much guaranteed to be the next the Glitter . The trailer is SO HORRIBLY BAD, we’re tempted to plunk down the $10 and change to view the cinematic calamity for ourselves and laugh our pants off.

Beyonce is so obsessed about missing out on The Oscar That Should Have Been Her’s Because Daddy Said So, she hitched her wagon to this dreck because her agent said it would really show her range.  Or some such nonsense to earn his 20% commission.  Miss B clearly bought it since she turned up on the red carpet in her usual over-the-top diva ensemble as if she’s expecting some kind of award for just showing up.  Is it a gown?  A mini dress? No, it’s the red carpet version of a skort! Which sounds like one of those anonymous movie reviews that at first read somewhat glow-y but on second glance says not much of anything:  Best comedy opening this weekend!  So to clear up any confusion lest you assume our approval: Beyonce’s has-to-be-1989-because-I-look-like-a-Whitesnake-video-vixen dress would be cute, if it actually was 1989 when bicycle shorts still counted as pants. And Tawny Kitaen was wearing it while doing splits on the hood of a fire-engine red Corvette.  Really, all that’s missing is a wind machine and random occurrences of Beyonce getting doused with water for some inexplicable reason.

Mrs. Jay-Z’s black pumps are fine but aarrgghh!, we wish TO GOD AND RACHEL ZOE she would get over her obsession (OK, we’ll stop) with matching her Loubs to her outfit.  B, nice girls don’t have to coordinate from head-to-toe anymore like Donna Reed.  We assume she’ll wear something suitable to the Razzies to get her Golden Raspberry for Best Unintentionally Hilarious Movie and Most Over-Acted Performance By An Actress With A Weave.

Black pumps, like a classic LBD, are always red carpet ready and available at ShoeCompare.com.

By ShoeMinx I’m-Not-Obsessed Fan Paige Muller

The Former Mrs. Cruise One-Ups Katie Holmes On The Red Carpet

We admit, it took us half a tick to figure out what the heck Oscar winner Nicole Kidman was doing at the Country Music Awards.

Some kind of desperate promotion to save Australia from a Razzie nomination? What? There are cowboys and flannel shirts in the trailer so it would kind of make sense.  A PR blitz to generate buzz for an upcoming role as a botox-ed bronco rider in an Annie Oakley flick?

Oh right, she’s Keith Urban’s plus one.  He’s so man-tanned and waxed we tend to  think of him as just a really pretty prop.  Like an awesome “Screw Tom Cruise and his weak DNA” accessory.

From the front, Nic is all BUSINESS in a glittering floor-length, long-sleeve L’Wren Scott turtleneck dress, but SASSY from the back.

It’s like the sartorial equivalent of a mullet, which is both fitting for the event and a delightful lesson in similes and metaphors. She continues the coy concept with prim and proper meets wooo! open bar, peep-toe slingbacks.  Layers of whimsy!

Finish a bold look with an understated, but elegant, shoe, like these Kate Spade satin ‘Gwen’ slingbacks, available from ShoeCompare.com.

By ShoeMinx Red Carpet Watcher Paige Muller

Star’s Sexy Style Is Rated At Least PG-13

There’s no sign of the sparkler boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal supposedly put on Reese Witherspoon’s Mrs. finger, but America’s Sweetheart still got her shine on at the premiere of her kiddie flick, Monsters vs. Aliens.  After Reese’s slumpy turn at the Oscars, she’s made a total 180 debuting, a new sassy side for spring.  Her metallic Rodarte mini is short yes, but not obscenely so  (note to Lisa Rinna: see, you can do short and sexy without the threat of showing all your business) and frankly it’s nice to see her loosing up her tightly wound persona, given she tends towards the prim and proper a bit.

And Reese’s two-tone, gray and yellow heels, like these ‘New York Chestnut Hill’ shoes by Kenneth Cole, are random enough to be interesting without Walking the Line into “trying too hard” territory.  That’s best left to village Head Fug in Chief Solange Knowles. And judging from Reese’s insanely awesome quads, she’s totally ready for a sprint down the aisle.

By ShoeMinx Red Carpet Watcher Paige Muller

One Of These Days Paula And Miley Cyrus Will Both Finally Wear Something Age-Appropriate

It might be possible to get a buzz from whatever cocktail of crazy on the rocks with a side of lime Paula Abdul is consuming just from looking at her. ‘Cause clearly the last time she had a sober moment was in the early 2000s when Avril Lavigne was all the faux emo/riot girrrl rage and teens flocked to Hot Topic for all their “life is like, so hard, and I hate my parents, wah” accessories.  So in a misguided effort try to look younger and funkier and more in-tune with These Kids Today, the American Idol judge styled herself in her angsty best.  HT was evidently having some kind of five for $10 sale.

But as Paula’s outfits go, it’s not even near her worst.  The mounds of chains.  The fingerless gloves.  The chunky black boots.  All that’s missing is the chipped black nail polish and  “f**k you, mom and dad” expression on her face.  Though with her Botox problem, doing more than blinking and stringing a bunch of slurred words together in something distantly related to English at the same time is a mystery medical science has yet to conquer. So yes, remarkably this Flashdancing “Like There’s No Tomorrow” in a bizarre version of Michael Jackson’s “Bad” video look is actually an improvement.  Just think how great the choreography in that video would be.  You just know Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz is scoping her outfit for pieces he wants to borrow.

And at least Paula erased the moustache Simon Cowell drew on her.  Normally she would have coordinated it with an eye patch and swashbuckler’s sword.  Which would have been all kinds of awesome.

Step out in style in these ‘Saturn’ ankle booties from Charles by Charles David.  They’re “Crazy Cool.”

By ShoeMinx Idol Paige Muller

Promotes Product She’ll Never Use Again After The Check Clears

“Konnichiwa, all you adoring fans! Are you pleased to see me? Of course you are, I am Jennifer Lopez!  I wore these super high Salvatore Ferragamo heels to make sure you can all feast upon the banquet of my supreme diva-ness as I tower over you like Godzilla.  Your awe of my FIERCENESS sustains me.

With that estupdia Octo-mom stealing my baby-making thunder and Madonna wandering Africa, picking up babies in a $2,800 Chanel tracksuit, I agreed to come over here to gift you with my greatness even though my biggest achievement so far has been staying married to Marc longer than any of my other husbands. And we are soooo in love!  Si, muy mucho! He loves me and I love me, it is like a fairytale.  I especially love that he knows I am the boss of him and is available to baby-sit around the clock.  My precious bambinos are such lovely little accessories but baby drool would just clash with my outfit.  Like my wedding ring.

Why am I here you ask, my darling harajuku girls?  It is because I love this person whose name I couldn’t be bothered to learn and their fabulous line of . . . **LINE!  What crap are I here to promote again?**  Oh, yes, Samantha Thavasa and this fierce bag that I am totally going to keep after I fill it with everything that’s not nailed down in the dressing room.  And with your LOVE!  See my movie! Buy my album!  Spritz yourself with the essence of JLo!  **Ok, are we done here?  Check!  And remember, I want that bag stuffed so full it will need its own seat on the jet.**”

Get sky high style in these ‘Evil’ platform heels by Steve Madden. With a wicked 4″ heel, this on-trend silhouette is the epitome of fashion chic.

By ShoeMinx Harajuku Girl Paige Muller

America’s Sweetheart Accessorizes Prêt-à-Porter Style With Signature Smile

Oh, Julia.  Once upon a time Duplicity star Julia Roberts was the highest paid actress in the biz, pulling down $20 million a picture.  But now that she’s settled into her routine of being married, raising kids and yelling at paparazzi, Jules evidently finds showing up on the red carpet a hassle.

Sadly, that translates into wearing a frumpy black trouser suit and silk blouse with sleeves that are too long and business meeting appropriate peek-toes in an overall look that is more PTA than “I made hooking cool and got to make out with Richard Gere.” On a scale of one to Bai Ling,  it’s solidly eh.  Maybe Jules has gone all method actress-y and is duping us by staying in character as a spy chasing Clive Owen hoping to catch him red-handed in some shady shenanigans where her sleeves will come in handy to catch DNA evidence.

No matter the occasion or season, a pair of black peep-toes, like these from Jimmy Choo, are stunning in their classic style.

By ShoeMinx Diva Paige Muller

She Looks 1000x Better Already Without Spencer Pratt in the Picture

Pssst, we have a confession.  We kinda don’t actually hate The Hills’ Heidi Montag.  Sure, she’s not exactly an Oscar-caliber actress or anything but then, neither are any of her faux-drama cohorts.  And she’s just so darned HAPPY any time anyone with a camera speaks to her, unlike cast mate Lauren Conrad who acts so weary, as if whatever she was doing before celebrity was gift-wrapped and handed to her on a silver platter was infinitely more interesting and now she’s just slumming it.  Frankly, we think Heidi is a victim of adjacent hate for oh so appropriately named boyfriend Spencer Pratt.  We’ve all had those “what the hell was I thinking?” hook-ups, right?   But love her or hate her, the girl gives good drama.

And with top dog Lauren opting out of the show after five years (!) of goopy mascara tears and manufactured drama, Heidi is ready to take center stage.  “I don’t think we’ll ever take a break from the cameras! We love you guys!” she squealed at Star magazine’s Young Hollywood Event at H’wood’s Apple Lounge.  Uhm, is that a threat or a promise?

The pout-and-pose pro mostly covered up her purchased boobs for once and upped her “Fashion” game in a nude colored Stella McCartney dress with matching peep toe pumps, like these by RSVP.  Why, she looks almost respectable!  Looks like everyone’s favorite frenemy is angling for her own TV gig:  The Heidi and Spencer Hour.  We’d tune in just to find out if those crazy kids are officially married or just faux hitched.  But if Heidi’s smart,  she’d push for a scripted break-up after a cross-over fling with Bromance’s Brody Jenner, with a dramatic arch that has her running off to The City to escape the heart-break before debuting her solo spinoff, Here’s Heidi! Not that we know what the show would be about exactly.  That’s what agents are for.  We can’t do everything, sheesh.

By ShoeMinx A-lister Paige Muller

Red Carpet Walker Steps Into The Spotlight As Sexy Stiletto CEO

Kim Kardashian may turn her possibly cosmetically enhanced nose up at fellow heir-head Paris Hilton, but the bootylicious “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” reality star is following her entrepreneurial example and extending her brand.

In addition to her full-time job showing up at Hollywood hotspots for her daily photo opp and waving her boobs in her hot NFL-player boyfriend’s face to get him to propose so she can ditch her dead-weight family and star in her own reality show, “Kim + Reggie Sign A Prenup,” the unintentional porn star has fashioned herself as co-founder and chief stylist for Shoe Dazzle.  The online shopping service gives shoe-obsessed members the expertise of Hollywood’s top stylists — and Kim herself.  Guess she needs a fall back plan since old Reggie is dragging his feet getting her to the altar. 

Here’s how Shoe Dazzle works: You take a Style Sensibility quiz where you select picks of your favorite runway pics, celebrities’ styles you admire (Beyonce vs. Gwen Stefani, for example) and the styles of shoes you like to determine your signature footwear look.  Then for $39 a month, you can choose your favorite pair from the five platforms, pumps, booties or flats options that ShoeDazzle’s stylists pull for you. It’s like Netflix for shoes, only there’s no need for a prepaid return envelope.  We’ll go out on a limb and assume you won’t find a pair by Paris in the bunch.  But don’t hold your breathe for any Manolos or Loubs either.

Here’s a peek at the looks they have available:

Usually not shy about dropping names, Kim is very hush hush about the brands the site has to dazzle you with.  But thanks to our sleuthy shoe skills, we’ve discovered that one of the lines they carry is Michael Antonio.  Get the look, like these ankle booties, at Shoecompare.com.

So, what do you think: promising venture or should Kim stick to what she does best . . . uh, whatever that is?

By ShoeMinx Diva Paige Muller

“Blake Lively Lands The Cover of Vogue And All I Got Are These Stupid Shoes”

Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester has become quite the twee fashion plate so it’s no wonder Reebok would want to sign the young Hollywood “It” girl to pimp their line of kicks for girls, which are billed as “fashion forward styles in bold colors and sporty silhouettes for the urban girl.”

Leaving  aside the fact that Leighton Meester would never, ever (never, ever? No, never) wear this brand in real life, we do wonder, why on EARTH they would put her into a god-awful pair of shoes, instead of oh, a pair that people would actually want to buy?!  And from the look on her face, she knows it’s a hot mess. Blair Waldorf so would not approve. Oh, the perils of contractual obligations.   We totally realize Leighton probably wanted to snag a deal while the getting was good and GG is still hot, but couldn’t her agent have hooked her up with an argyle sweater or headband deal or something?

From the knees up, Leighton’s 3.1 Phillip Lim dress and purple jacket is super cute.  Kind of, city girl going shopping on the weekend before meeting her gal pals for a spot of lunch and who’s sleeping with who dish and “oh my god, can you believe she’s wearing clothes from last season?”  But those sneaks just don’t go with the outfit, and worse, they make her legs look stumpy, which is probably not what Reebok is going for.  If Leighton can’t look good in them, us normies are doomed.

For the life us we can’t understand why the people styling these events don’t put Said Starlet into something she might actually wear with whatever crap product they’re  hawking.  Though we are loathe to admit it (to the point of throwing up in our mouths a little), Mischa Barton’s outfits were always coordinated with the Keds she was pushing back before the former next big thing’s career went on indefinite pause. As far as Leighton, well, it could have been worse.  The good folks at Reebok could have made her wear the bright pink clown shoes on the table behind her.

Athletic shoes these days aren’t just the gym anymore.  Styles like these chic  ‘India’ skimmers from Gola give girls on the go traction and support without sacrificing that “ooooh, cute shoes” appeal.

By ShoeMinx Athletic All-Star Paige Muller

Fashion Police Says, “Halt, In the Name Of Bad Fashion (Sorry, Jimmy C.)”

Why so glum, Fergie?  If we had just gotten hitched to hottie Josh Duhmel we’d be showing a little (OK, a lot) more excitement.  You know that crabby mug you’re sporting, plus the Avril Lavigne goes goth get-up, is going to kick off a round of “Trouble in Paradise” rumors.

As newbie bride Scarlett Johnston also turned up recently with a dark new ‘do, we’re noodling if this is a celeb trend in the making, like the persistent wearing of hippy dippy headbands.  But much like the return of 80s fashion and those loathed shoulder pads (get ready peeps, its coming), just because something is trendy doesn’t mean it’s cute.  Which is pretty much what this look is not.

Fergie’s dress shows off her legs nicely but one side is oddly higher than the other.  Is it asymmetrical on purpose or is she a victim of errant static cling?  And though we do like the pop of color in her Jimmy Choos, the ankle strap business is heavily reminiscent of Michelle Rodriguez’ house arrest ankle bracelets.  Which just makes us think of Beecher and Adibizi and the theme song from Oz. Fashion takes its inspiration from everywhere, but we’re pretty sure Emerald City is not what the designer had in mind. Try these G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S BCBG ‘Mack’ sandals, instead.

But the biggest fug of all is the Duchess’ new hair.  No doubt expensive and probably styled with products made from the rarest practically extinct ingredients, it reads: Miss Clairol dye no. 5 done in the hotel bathroom.  Fergs, this color isn’t working for you.  That plus the center part is just all kinds of harsh, making you look like a trannilcious Priscilla Presley impersonator.  Kim Vu managed to rock out Britney’s weave (we’ve almost forgotten those pics of her with a pair of clippers in her hand) and could fix you right up with some highlights and loose waves to mellow out the meth-face.  But hey, maybe Josh is digging it.  Thanks to Mrs. Duhmel’s TMI habit, we wouldn’t be entirely surprised.  Nauseated, but not surprised.

By ShoeMinx Glamour Girl Paige Muller

“Phantom of The Opera” Star Goes From Classy to Hoochie

Whoa.  Remember when Emmy Rossum, she of the envious mane of glorious curls who starred with Gerard Butler before he got ripped in 300, was Hollywood’s next big thing?  Yeah, it’s been awhile.  She was also in Poseidon but that movie is so hilariously bad we’d prefer to erase it from our memory banks. Which is why we guess she’s employing Amanda Bynes’ “look at my crotch!” promo strategy to stay vaguely relevant, because accidental up-skirt potential is always worth a couple of pictures in the tabloids.

Reduced to starring in something called Dragonball Evolution, Emmy appears to be taking the whole “whoring yourself for fame” thing a bit literally when it comes to her ensemble at the straight-to-DVD premiere.  The color of her Emanuel Ungaro dress is quite lovely on her but the cut-to-there hem, plus the peek-a-boo bustier detail, reeks of Paris Hilton.  Or worse, Lisa Rinna.

Neither association is likely to prompt casting agents to ring her up to step into an Oscar-worthy part Anne Hathaway had to turn down due to prior obligations.  Her black pumps with sparkly toe embellishment are quite cute though, like these Giuseppe Zanotti’s from ShoeCompare.com.  If she’d just apply the same sartorial selection process to everything above the knee, we suspect her choice of parts might improve to “servicable Jennifer Aniston stand-in.”

By ShoeMinx Red Carpet Watcher Paige Muller

We Wonder If She’ll Ditch Couture For Jeans After The SATC Sequel Wraps

Sarah Jessica Parker is often accused of channeling her Sex and the City character’s sometimes over-the-top wardrobe tendencies in real life.  Fair enough, but it would be hard not to borrow some of Carrie Bradshaw’s style sense — and her fab clothes! — after playing the part almost longer than she’s been married to Matthew Broderick.  And whether her outfits are costume-y or a reflection of her own innate style, one thing they’re not is boring.  A de rigueur LBD and a pair of pumps? Fuggedaboutit.

There is a LOT going on in this look but somehow it all works. Kind of like how separately the ingredients of a Monte Cristo don’t sound too appetizing but all together it’s a mouth full of deliciousness. First there’s the skintight green L’Wren Scott snakeskin dress, which on it’s own might have been a bit too aggressively sexy.  But paired with the feathered stole, sheer gloves and extra strappy Christian Louboutin for L’Wren Scott shoes (which we love to the point that we’d give into our baser instincts and employ elbows and dirty tricks to get our hands on them should they ever go on sale at Neimans) there is an enviably quirky chic-ness to the entire look that would be impossible for anyone else but our favorite fashionista.

With all the various Fashion Weeks winding down and a long promo tour for the SATC movie sequel on the horizon, we’re excited to see what SJP/Carrie (there’s got to be a way to shorten that but we haven’t come up with anything yet, thoughts?) parades around in until it’s shot and in the can.  Though her attempts to make those horrible Martin Margiela split-toe shoes the next Manolos can end any time now . . .

Get the look of SJP’s utterly fabulous heels in these dominatrix-esque Dolce & Gabbana ‘Lucinda’ heels from ShoeCompare.com.

By ShoeMinx Diva Paige Muller

She Fought The Battle Against Color and Gray Won

This is why we totally heart Victoria Beckham:

Who else but the former Spice Girl travels looking like the world’s most glamorous East German border guard slash Karl Lagerfeld’s limousine driver?  It’s part of her magical fashion powers that enable her to pull off a  head-to-toe dove gray ensemble, including an absolutely drool-worthy pair of YSL pumps,  that would render us mere mortals looking like a somewhat mad woman in a glorified (but very, very expensive) bathrobe.  Oh, Posh.  We just want to clasp her size-0 frame in our arms in joy. In an endless sea of celebs in leggings and slumpy, dumpy Uggs, she is our anchor.  Our joie de vive.  The reason we spend a small fortune on Elle, Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar every month.  She had us at “It’s MAY-JAH.”

Get the look of Vic’s fierce footwear in these gorgeous suede ‘Tanya” pumps from Brian Atwood.

By ShoeMinx Fashionista Paige Muller

Now If She’d Just Find An Equally Acceptable Boyfriend . . .

Determined to milk every money-making opportunity out of their PG-rated star before her audience hits puberty, Disney princess Miley Cryus has extended her brand and added another title to her resume—author.  Yes, the just-turned-16 year old Hannah Montana star has penned her autobiography, Miles to Go.  She shares her “inspiring story, spanning from her Southern roots in Tennessee to the excitement of her record-setting triumphs.”  The best part is the “novel” is even equipped with doodles! Wonder if this is reflective of Justin’s maturity level, too?  Miley must be saving the chapter about how bummed she was that she got a hand-me-down Porsche for her birthday for the follow-up.  In short, WAAAAH.

But the book’s 272 pages aside, the mature- beyond-her-years triple threat is caught in that awkward teen/young adult stage. Miley usually outfits herself in looks that are either cloyingly twee, like her Ariel “Under the Sea” Oscar dress (gee, why not just stamp “Property of Disney, Inc.” on her forehead?) or way too mature like an aging soap opera star.  But she gets it 100% age appropriate at a Barnes & Noble book signing in jeans and a white t-shirt with a sparkly vest and scarf, paired with a totally cute pair of brown tall boots, like this ‘Frye’ style by Victoria.  Victory in our time!

And with her face scrubbed free of its normal layer of paint and her hair in loose waves, we suddenly find ourselves wanting to put on a Team Miley t-shirt and start rooting for her to keep beating the Jonas Brothers in their Mouse House tweendom battle.

By ShoeMinx “Team Miley” Fanclub President Paige Muller

What’s a Party At Milan Fashion Week Without a Disco Ball?

Goldie Hawn, er Kate Hudson’s style is usually as one note as her acting.  She rocks the Cali casual thing (it’s not a look, it’s a state of being!) mixed with a touch of boho that encroaches on the Olsen twin’s territory as consistently as she scrunches her nose in lieu of actual talent in her movies.  Ah, nepotism.  Ain’t it grand?  Granted, we’ve never sat through one of her movies, but from the trailers of such cinematic greats as Bride Wars and You, Me and Dupree, unless everyone else cancels, she shouldn’t hope to snag a chair on Inside the Actor’s Studio anytime soon.

But we really find ourselves liking Kate’s sparkly ensemble at the Vogue Fashion Party at Milan Fashion Week.  Granted, the explosion of sequins is a lot of look but there is kind of an It-girl-smoking-in-the-bathroom-lighting-her-eyeliner-with-a-match vibe to it, no?  The top could do without the droopy bow (cause that’s just what you want centered between your boobs) and we can’t figure out if Kate’s wearing a nude colored belt or if that’s skin.  She seems wise enough to avoid doing anything Lindsay Lohan would consider cool in her latest famewhoring attempts to distract from a lack of any verifiable form of employment, so we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

We LOVE the gold Dolce & Gabbana skirt and matching cape (we admit, it appeals to our inner childhood desire to be Wonder Woman and it looks so twirly!) and her multi-toned metallic heels, like these from Steve Madden, are the perfect finish.  If only there was a way to get her gorgeous gams too.  But, you know, without working out or sweating or anything that requires moving off the sofa.

By ShoeMinx Fashionista Paige Muller