Must Have Left Her “Will Pose For Food” Sign In Her Purse

In lieu of actual talent or even a whiff of a titillating scandal, Misha Barton has been using the time during her extended hiatus from any discernible form of employment since The O.C. to mount a futile effort to pass herself off as some sort of fashion icon, like the long-lost love child of a petri dish rendezvous between Nicole Richie and the Olsen twins with an accidental DNA dose of Agyness Dyn.

There was her Woodland nymph period were she was some kind of foot soldier in the Headband Army that’s led by General Blair Waldorf and Brigadier General Aubrey O’Day, with an assist from Colonel Paris Hilton.  And of course who can forget her Annie Hall meets Ellen DeGeneres stage in baggy pants and bowler hats.  As if an outfit switcheroo will land her a Shakespearean script instead of a part as Blonde Girl #3.  Her latest look is brought to you courtesy of M.C. Hammer and his country crossover hit, “Please, Hammer, Don’t Let Your Baby Grow Up To Wear Fugly Flannel.”

However, those Louis Vuitton shoes are in a totally different category of crazy. Oh, Misha. It’s nice to see you go out and do that voodoo that you do so well.  We suspect she puts them on and prays everyday that the CW pilot for The Beautiful Life gets picked up so she can stop making up blog posts about her life. Hmmm, maybe we should get a pair of LVs and start praying for the same thing, too. Or better yet that she just fades into obscurity.

Get the look of this season’s tribal trend in these Sam Edelman “Malik” heels and walk on the wild side. Roooar!

By ShoeMinx Shoe Shaman Paige Muller

Awards Show Tries Something New:  Music That Doesn’t Completely Suck

The Grammys generally don’t offer much in the way of music people actually listen to but this year’s list of nominees for the annual snooze-apalooza is surprisingly not awful. Sadly they still haven’t done away with vintage terms like “album” or “record” but at least most of the tunes aren’t ones your parents are likely to groove to in the mini-van so it’s a start.

But with the across-the-pond centric tilt to some of the categories, the award ceremony seems more like the Brit Awards than the Grammys.

Notable nods:

Leona Lewis’ career has skyrocketed since winning the British reality show X Factor. (For non-Brits: X Factor is a U.K. singing talent search with cantankerous Simon Cowell as the show’s lead judge and executive producer; American Idol is the uber successful U.S. version.) Nominated in several categories, including Record of the Year and Best Pop Female, for her single “Bleeding Love,” pop’s Cinderella superstar could cap a fairytale year with multiple wins.  Mariah, you might want to polish up that pop crown and have it ready to hand over, just in case.

Fellow Britster Adele, who’s hijacked Amy Winehouse’s once-promising career with her angst-y hit “Chasing Pavements” (and the whole not being a coke fiend thing) is up against Lewis for Record of the Year, and has several chances to return to the stage to claim trophies, including the career “kiss of death” award, Best New Artist.  Anyone remember Paula Cole?  Exactly.  Also up for the dubious honor, soul-voiced nominee Duffy, who charted with hits “Rockferry” and “Mercy.”

“American Boy” singer Estelle keeps the British invasion going with a nom for Song of the Year.  If she wins, the award would be sitting pretty next to the UK Best Female trophy she won over Lewis at the Music of Black Origin awards last year.  Maybe collab partner Kanye West will gift her with some mad Louis Vuitton swag from the line of shoes he’s designing between music tracks and all-cap blog posts.

Not to be shown up by the popsters from across the pond, America’s lyrical ladies are also representing.  Katy Perry and her ubiquitous played-it-till-you-wanted-to-scream song “I Kissed A Girl” will go retro pinup toe-to-toe against Duffy and Adele for Best New Artist.

Her marriage crashed and burned, but the music industry showed Madonna some love with a Best Pop Collaboration nod for her hit “Four Minutes” with music maestros Justin Timberlake and Timbaland and another for Best Dance Track, “Give It 2 Me.” Our money is on the Sticky and Sweet and very single divorcee rocking the red carpet in something sheer with fishnets.  Will the “fabulous at fifty” material model rock a pair of those to die for shoes from her new spring 2009 Louis Vuitton ads or something from Miu Miu, Givenchy or even Stella McCartney?  Such an embarrassment of riches!  As if hooking up with A-Rod isn’t reward enough.

And after recent family tragedies, R&B newcomer Jennifer Hudson returns to the “Spotlight” with four nominations, including Best Female R&B Vocal, where she is pitted against Dream Girls rival Beyonce and her metal glove. If Bey gets knocked off the podium, at least she’ll have bagging rights that she sang for the new prez and he knows the dance moves to “Single Ladies.”  Priceless.  But if she does win, who will accept the trophy:  Mrs. Jay-Z or Sasha Fierce?

Worst dressed on the red carpet is one award Grammy nominees don’t want to win.  The stars’ footwear will be ready for their close-up on the E! Stiletto Cam in these a “little bit rock n’ roll, a whole lotta cool” ‘Jewel’ heels from Sergio Rossi.

Read the complete list of nominees here.  The big show goes down February 8, 2009 at Los Angeles’ Staples Center and will be broadcast live on CBS. Yeah, we’re going to catch the highlights and the inevitable WTF moment on YouTube, too.

By ShoeMinx Pop Star Paige Muller