This is it.  In just a few hours, fashion and Hollywood fantasy will collide at the Kodak Theatre for the 81st annual Academy Awards (the Oscars to the rest of us).  And somewhere in the celluloid city, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are plotting their red carpet navigation with the skill and precision of a military strike team.  Or a team of stylists backstage at Fashion Week.

Between host Hugh Jackman’s tongue-in-cheek, yet mentally tantalizing tease of a “naked Oscars,” a possible Aniston-Brangelina red carpet rendezvous, rumors of Slumdog Millionaire star Freida Pinto’s secret marriage (no way will Ryan Seacrest and Guilana Depandi-Rancic ignore that gossip-y elephant in the room–or red carpet, as it were), the combined hotness of Twilight star Robert Pattinson and High School Musical’s flat-ironed hunk Zac Efron, who actually wins what awards is just the icing on a three-tiered cake of glorious-and-ridiculous excess, glamor and gossip goodness.

To whet your appetite until the spectacle begins, we present the ShoeMinx Pre-Oscars Interlude.

One-Million Dollar Shoe Discount. The effects of the plunging economy will rear its ugly head — or maybe we should say sole — on the red carpet along with all those plunging necklines.  Designer Stuart Weitzman has scrapped plans to send a pair of his $1 million dollar shoes down the crimson carpet, saying: “We very seriously took into account the current economic situation and what is considered appropriate in the world of fashion today, and we felt this was not a year to be extravagant.”

Last year, the fancy-footwear designer chose “Juno” screenwriter Diablo Cody to wear his specially designed diamond-encrusted shoes to the ceremony, but Cody served up a plate of STFU, calling the selection “a cheesy publicity stunt.” She opted to wear a pair of simple gold flats under her flowing Dior leopard print dress instead.

Weitzman hopes his “big fan” Angelina Jolie, the best-actress Oscar nominee for The Changeling, who previously donned nude Weitzman heels to the Screen Actors Guild Awards and the Golden Globes, will again wear a pair of his shoes to the ceremony.

Anne Hathaway Says “Yes” to the Dress. E! reveals that best-actress nominee Anne Hathaway is “in love” with her Oscar dress.  According to a partygoer at Perrier-Jouët champagne’s Women in Film cocktail soiree, “She said it’s a little out of her comfort level but hopes people love it as much as she does!”  Our fingers are crossed that the usually “Best Dressed” star avoids dipping her toes in the “WTF are you wearing?” goth pool that sank Gwyneth Paltrow at the 2002 ceremony.

Check the batteries in your remote and get the popcorn ready.  The Oscar fashion bash and awards anxiety is about to kick off.

By ShoeMinx Red Carpet Watcher Paige Muller

Rule No. 1: Wear Something Super Short. Rule No. 2: Repeat

Behold! Gwyneth Paltrow continues her “She’s Got Legs” world tour at the Grammys.  Helpfully reminding us that she’s still a relevant, sexy woman, rather than just Madonna’s musty old macrobiotic-loving best friend, Gwynnie has somehow managed to increase the surface area of leg between shoe and hemline since her Iron Man premieres.

So shiny and pretty, like a disco ball, in a Versace strapless mini and matching Georgina Goodman pewter heels, it almost makes up from her eye-rollingly pretentious claim that it doesn’t “behoove” her and Coldplay frontman hubby Chris Martin to be a public couple and that walking the red carpet together is “cheesy.”  Behoove?  And she wonders why she has a reputation for being a somewhat snobby beyotch.  Well, that plus the faux British accent.

And while the sparkly tights are a wee bit more Taylor Swift appropriate, we quite love them.  But as an attempt to preserve her dignity and nether regions from an accidental up-skirt, they reek of ridiculousness, given this nifty little get-up:

In a daring bit of promotion for her boob-flashing scene in her new movie Two Lovers, Gwyneth walked the red carpet in a sheer Antonio Berardi dress that put the white bra and knickers set from her great aunt Gertrude on very public display.  What, was Madonna’s infamous cone bra in the laundry?  Clearly, the contents of Paltrow’s underwear drawer are no longer just Victoria’s Secret. How do you like them apples!  She makes the “I see London, I see France, I see Gwyneth’s underpants” couture calamity worse with two-toned Rupert Sanderson ankle booties that would have been better paired with another outfit entirely, and that unfortunately make it look like she forget to take off her gym socks.

For those of you who don’t subscribe to GOOP, Gwyneth’s newsletter offers her Oprah Winfrey crossed with Martha Stewart “I’m better than you are” tips for good living that only someone with her time and resources can manage.  The best are the ones about her wardrobe “uniform” (like pairing $1,000 Brian Atwood shoes with a Topshop dress. So daring!  So thrifty!).  We can’t wait for the issue that explains how flashing your underwear on the red carpet fits in the rules for classic dressing.

By ShoeMinx GOOP Subscriber Paige Muller