Sexy Senora Upstages Bradgelina at Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screening

“Hola, amigas!  It is I, Jennifer - don’t call me JLo - Lopez. Si, Jenny from the Block is back and I brought two of my friends.  LOOK at me.  I command you.  I ran a marathon after giving birth to twins and what did I get from you people?  Nada.  That’s right.  No parade, no breathless adoration.  Instead, you fawn over some little actress and her new additions.  Angelina Jolie is nothing compared to me.  Can she sing like me? Can she dance like me?  No and no.  I’ve seen her clothes, so I know she can’t pretend to design clothes like me.  Seriously, how many boring black dresses does she own anyway?  And her ass?  Flat as a pancake.

Time for Plan B.  Oh, I am so clever.  See how I effortlessly managed to slip in the title of my upcoming movie, like tequila with lime . . . smooth.  I am the promo queen–my movies, my music, my clothing line, my babies and marriage, yes they are all for sale.  I would sell my very soul if it would land me another magazine cover.  So here I am at the premiere of some movie that I’m not even in with the girls up and out, looking all kinds of muy caliente. I HYPNOTIZE with them. Is this what it takes to make you pay attention to me again?  Take it all in–the Cavalli gown, the perfectly matched clutch and let us not forget, my signature pose and open-mouth pout. Try to look away. YOU CANNOT.

My Marc, the skinny little love, will not like me showing off my assets like this.  The poor hombre must know that I only pretend that he is El Jefe.  It’s called “acting.” Ha!  Poor man is delusional from hunger.  It is my triple-threat-iness that keeps us in the glamorous lifestyle that is my due as an international super-diva.  And what’s the point of getting knocked up if you aren’t going to make the most of your new cleavage when you are fit again?  Honestly, I am surrounded by amateurs.  Well, the twins and I have successfully managed to upstage Saint Angelina.  My work here is done.”

Set off a sultry goddess gown in glam silver heels like these by Marciano.

By ShoeMinx Senora Paige Muller

Rapper Kicks Off Fashion Career With Line of Sneakers

When “Stronger” rapper Kanye West’s not busy posting cap-locked blog entries or making hit music, the self-proclaimed Louis Vuitton Don (cute) has been collaborating on a line of men’s footwear with the high-end label.  So we guess he’s the Designing LV Don now.

Thanks to TMZ, the 10-time Grammy winner (Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger . . . ) was spotted previewing the kicks on his own feet before they officially walked last week in the men’s LV show during Paris Fashion Week.  The line will be available in LV stores in June.

Louis Vuitton creative director Marc Jacobs told WWD, “I think Kanye goes to the office more than I do. He’s really, really into sneakers.” The shoes were ingeniously conceived.”  Says Kanye about his design muse:

“We started from the sole. We made it lighter weight and flexible, so you can bend it…. I was inspired by the movie “Dune” because, as you know, I love sci-fi…. The collection had all these jackets that were very padded. They looked like maybe they had hockey pads in the jacket, and there was one where the collar came up really high. I took that element and I put that on the back of the shoe. It’s like the opposite of the tongue. Usually you have the tongue at the front. [This is] like a tongue at the back.”

Well, Kanye’s got the fashion speak down like a real designer, but uh . . . we’re not seeing anything remotely sci-fi -y about these.  They look like regular sneakers from the mall painted red, similar to these from Puma.  But add the LV logo and BAM, that’ll be $350, please.

But seriously, from a man rocking a mullet and those bi-sexual porn rumors, we expected something a bit more daring and less . . . pedestrian.  Maybe something in neon?

Not content with just two or three careers to pursue, Kanye will be moving to London in early spring to pursue his burgeoning career in fashion design. According to the Mirror, he’s applying to work at Louis Vuitton’s HQ there and other fashion houses in Europe. He also plans to unveil his own line, Pastelle.  Let’s hope his internship will be more real than The Hills Lauren Conrad’s stint at Teen Vogue.

By ShoeMinx Sneaker Pimp Paige Muller